FEMINISM – Misunderstood ??????

Hello My Lovely Readers,

Hope everyone is taking precautions and staying safe and not wandering out like a maniac. It became every man for himself situation now. Neither the Government nor the politicians we elected are taking proper measures for this third wave. Not debating that here of course. That will be in another blog. So, stay inside, go out only when it is absolutely necessary and try to limit the wanderings,the outings, the picnics, etc, etc. Let’s pray and hope this wave end soon without n number of deaths and casualties like last time.

Let’s discuss the topic – Feminism. Before you go in further, kindly remember this is my blog,from my point of view after analyzing the lives of women so far in my life. Feel free to comment as it is your right but keep in mind, vulgarity is not allowed, put your valid points but read with open mind till the end.

P.S : When I say we in blog, this includes only women ;

Nowadays 80% of the people are not happy in married life , do you know the main reason why is it so?

Because unlike our mother and grandmother and great grandmother, we are not depending on our better halves to provide everything for us. What most of us expect is very minimal. A companion, someone who truly listens, someone who lend their shoulders from time to time, someone to understand and accept us with all the flaws. I am pretty sure we earn more than most of our better halves and spend it as we see it. If some of us are flaunting it,then we need to check their side of story before coming to any conclusion.

The First issue : At times, husbands may feel threatened about our earnings. What if, she leave us and start a new life, what if, incase we are sort of cash, if we ask her for extra cash would that deflame our status as husband, what if, what if, what if……. There are so many what if’s which makes the husband feel threatened and I am unsure why they feel so.

This is where Feminism comes into picture. There is no greater sex gender wise. Male, female both are equal. There is no 1st and 2nd place. Only when you truly submit to that, you will accept our help without thinking any less of you. We are certainly not thinking any less of you, because we know when it matters, you guys will back us up. That kind of trust, that kind of understanding, that kind of friendship will not come overnight. It takes time, energy, constant attention, priority.

And many of us are working, meeting new people, learning new things, developing ourselves. We have vast interest in trains, books, knitting, drawing etc, etc… So, do not put us in a box of how my mother and your mother were and are. We are not them and never be them. They lead a certain lifestyle and we lead a different lifestyle. You cannot ever compare both of us. That is like comparing Fire and Ice. Both has its own characteristics and you cannot put both in one box. When you compare and feel we are not meeting certain standards and threshold then that’s on you and not on us.

Second main issue : Without understanding a woman, do not for god sake propose to her, get married to her. If you are not sure of who she is, then simply put an effort to learn about more her. If you feel it is not worth of your time and energy then you know where the door is. Do not show show one face to us when dating and show another post marriage. That’s where the first fight will start. You cannot build a foundation based on lies. It just won’t do. Once the trust is broken, it is hard to build it again.

And when we talk back, it doesn’t mean we do not know our place, why no sir, we most certainly know our place and our rights. When we give ideas, listen to it first and then make a call. When we insist on something, again listen first then convey what you feel about it. Do not ignore our ideas, our words simply because according to you, we are just women and the only place we should be is in kitchen and in your bed . No way it will sail now.

You have absolutely no rights to dictate anything to us, order us around, the same way we have absolutely no rights to do so. It is wrong and implies dictatorship not partnership. You want a partner not a dominatrix. We want a partner and not a dominant man. You cannot hide behind I don’t know anything about this card whenever a fight or argument occurs. You have to accept your mistake. You have to accept your part in the mishap, you have to get down in the mud and get dirty with us. Do not simply stand on your high horse and call us out for doing what is right and what is needed.

If you do not have the backbone to do so, let us know, we will pull one out. Afterall, we are taught from childhood to do so. To stand in our own legs, to make a living, to be a successful woman both in personal and professional life, to guide people in need, to lend a hand whenever it is required. To whack an idiot on his head when he is irking us to the core,being stubborn and not thinking about the future.

Third Main issue : Spendings and Savings – It differs from person to person, couple to couple, but for better future it is vital. It is crucial. No one can survive only on air, solid food is must. A moderate living is must. Just because you can live in a hut doesn’t mean you expect us to do so. See, that’s why you cannot show one face and change it later when you see fit. Because, we trusted that face and made a judgement call. Why sir, you do not want to face a scorned woman. No way you will come out of it with your dignity intact. Remember we can fight with our claws as well as with our words.

Feminism doesn’t implies, I am the woman thus you have to bow to me no matter what.

Feminism doesn’t implies, what we say is the law.

Feminism doesn’t implies, we are always right.

Feminism doesn’t implies, I won’t help you but I will shame you in front of everyone.

Feminism doesn’t implies, I am the Queen and thus my respect is prior to yours.

What Feminism actually is : Treat us equally, pay us equally, divide chores equally, do not put us in one box, do not order us around, do not expect us to be in hands and knees all the time. Show respect, show faith, show compassion, show kindness, show how genuine you are – All this is mandatory if you wants us to do the same for you. To make a good living, both has to sail forward, in the same pace, at the same time. Both has to envision what kind of future they want, both has to accept each other with their flaws and all. After all, if one has to endure everything alone, what is the point of marriage, when one would have made it successful on her own without your help?

I raise up my voice—not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard. … We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back.
Malala Yousafzai

Yours truly,

Nivi Joshi.

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