A very happy Good Morning/Noon/Evening to my lovely readers and fellow amazing bloggers.
It’s been a while. I was suffering from high fever, not covid even after taking two tests. Find out it’s due to bacterial infection. So, was in bed rest for 10 days. Trust me so not good. Couldn’t taste anything except curd and papaya. I know weird but that is only thing kept me sane. I am so grateful for my parents and my sister for taking care of me day and night,because I was that weak.
After nearly 20 days, I was back to myself. I can taste the food, do my regular chores, can feel my body getting back to it’s shape. Two things I did without fail even when I was in bed rest is to pray and tell the divine energy thank you for giving me one more day to live even though my diagnosis was not scary. Second thing is text my gang and let them know how grateful I am for their support and how lucky I am to have them. We often forget to thank people who will move heaven and hell for us.
I am pretty sure many of us lost our loved ones due to corona. My deepest condolences. I can’t even think of a day where there wasn’t any news of death in my extended family. Everyday I heard the ambulance in my hometown, everyday I heard the cries and anguish of the people who lost something precious, everyday I felt the grim reaper taking away souls one by one. On my 15th day, I remember this vividly because I jerked awake from my sleep, I got up and drank water and just sat infront of the mirror looking at myself.
Looking at my face, at my body, at the scars both inside and out, remembering my accompishments, my rewards, my losses, my failures, my winnings, looking back at my behaviour, how I was and how I am now. It hit me deep that I am 30 years old and I can happily say I lived my life. Whatever I wanted (All good ones) I achieved it, I got good grades, worked with top companies, got good people, went after what I wanted, took time to come out heartbreaks, made new friends, met new people, started equipping myself with knowledge because knowledge is power and one can never learn everything in his/her life time, laughed a lot, cried a lot, was/is a backbone to my people and also to those who needed mine, I am blessed to be in this life and to have learnt both sides of the coin.
I won’t sugarcoat and say everything went smoothly, I had shortcomings, I lost loved ones, I was betrayed, I was stabbed in the back, the people who I took inside my nest turned out to be snakes, people took me for granted but those incidents made me stronger, sharper, smarter. Started trusting my gut, my instincts, some unknown voice screaming at me it is a bad choice (might be my guardian angel), Made me ensure I will never be anybody’s victim, never be so helpless that I once thought to jump off the bridge (Didn’t do it, sorry for the panic attack, just a depressed teenager). I still live by this mantra “My life, My Rules, if you are not ok with it,then you know where the door is”.
This made me think of the people who didn’t get to live the life they wanted and who are dead now. It hurted me a lot to think what could have been their last thoughts, was it a kiss they wanted, was it a hug they wanted, was it a position they wanted, was it a person they yearned for, was it a food they salivated after, was it an opportunity they missed, was it a chance they regreted not taking, was it a smile they missed, was it a regret they failed to communicate when it mattered, was it a plea for forgiveness they failed to express, was it a family they lost, what could have been their thoughts when they saw the reaper?
I don’t know and I really don’t want anyone else to die without fullfilling atleast half of their wishes, their dreams, their desires, without expressing their emotions, their feelings, their expressions, without talking to their loved ones near and afar, without saying sorry to the people who deserves the apology, without supporting the ones who are in desperate need of support, without tasting the life mother nature gave us, without thanking the gods, without thanking the ones who went above and beyond, without expressing gratitude, without turning over new leaf, without living the life they yearned for.
When we are in death bed, I don’t know what thoughts will be running inside our head but I feel if we atleast lived half of our life the way we wanted, we will atleast have peace when we meet the reaper. I don’t know why I thought about all these when I was looking at the mirror but these were my thoughts. Sudden desire to scream at everyone to stop doing things for the sake of society and start living their life. Stop doing it for parents, for family, for relationship, for fame, for status. Just live for you. When you die, die happily. Do hundred good things so that in the end atleast one will be repaid to you. Maybe someone will shed genuine tears, maybe someone will remember your generosity, maybe someone will remember your smile, your deeds, your words. Maybe someone will remember you till their last breath, maybe someone will do good things remembering you.
Do not take life for granted, people for granted, chances for granted, opportunities for granted, fame for granted, friendships for granted, relationships for granted, money for granted. All it takes is a second or few minutes for you to die. Do not, I repeat do not take life for granted. Live each moment of your life as if it is your last. Do the things you love genuinely, get that book, grab that food, watch that movie, go on a date with that person, say sorry to those people from heart.
I explained these incidents certainly not for pity but for the life I have and what I had done with it. For those who are still afraid of the society, it’s alright to live the life the way you desire, it’s perfectly alright to follow different career than the one your parents wantèd, it’s ok to step out of your comfort zone, it’s alright to stop ass kissing and start building your career, it’s ok to start new life. There are many groups who would love to welcome you and who would cheer you and encourage you. It all starts with you, no one can/should force you to do something you despise. Always remember darling, we have one life so live it to the fullest. Meet the reaper with a blinding smile that he will take you straight to heaven bypassing hell.
Loads and Love, Hugs, Gratitude,