Helloooooooooooo my lovely readers and fellow amazing bloggers. I know, I know I was off the website for a while, had to shift and settle down at my new place. Took sometime to figure out what I want in 40’s (It’s early though still a girl gotta do what she gotta do ;)) Hope you and your family,loved ones are well and safe. I also hope you guys are checking on each other, keeping up to date with this pandemic, taking precautions. Enough of my mother hen advise, let’s move to my next paragraph 😉
I never really understood why suddenly after marriage, the next questions out of everyone mouth should be When are you planning for a baby? Not, how is married life treating you, Not, how are you settling in your new role, Not, how you feel about your new life. Nope, straight to jugular, when are you planning for baby. Come on, this is 21st century. You know we can actually decide when we are ready for a baby. Not that I am against having babies or anything as such. It’s just I feel the pressure of that question rob a couple of their future.
We are not as fertile as you think we are. A lot changed from our great grandmother and grandmother era. To begin with, we first have to get adopted to being a wife, being a daughter in law, being a sister in law etc, etc. you get my point right? We, as an individual needs to fully accept the role, then decide when to have a baby. I feel having a baby because you are ready rather than having a baby because society (in this case mom and mil) demands it takes it toll on both husband and wife.
Let them enjoy their moments, let them have their fights, let them have their arguments, let them grow into each other, let them decide when or if they want to have a baby. It is a huge responsibility. Irrespective of the support from both family, I honestly feel the individuals (Hus and Wife) has to be ready. This is not one of the scenario where you hope that the person will change after the baby is born. No sir, you are wrong.
The scar that baby will have will always be there even when he/she/they become an adult. Loveless family, the fights, the accusations, the finger pointing, name callings, god forbid there was a divorce, then Armageddon for sure. I don’t agree with the saying you have to get married and have children as early as possible. Leave it up to the couple. If they want to have a baby, no one can earth can change their decision. They are ready, they will take care of the baby with or without the help. If they are not ready, then no one on earth should force them to have a baby.
If you are putting the accusation on them, then shame on you. Instead of appreciating their decision (YES you read it right, THEIR DECISION), you are putting pressure on them which in turn makes them more driven apart. Don’t do that. A couple knows when to have a baby. A child brought up in a house filled with love, laughter, happiness blooms spectacularly than the one brought up in a house filled with Despair, rage, sadness. Give them time, let them decide on their own.
If they decide not to have a baby, then bury your feelings and acknowledge their decision. Because, as much as I would like to believe that parents let go of the dreams of becoming grandparents, I cannot ignore this little voice in my head they would be disappointed and sad. That’s ok, it will turn into happiness soon, passing clouds and all that. However think for a moment about the child’s upbringing by the parents who doesn’t want to have a child. Do not compare with rest of the children, just think only about that child.
You understand what I getting at right? Let the child have a bright future. It’s not like our generations doesn’t have any scars, we all have them. We are better at keeping them hidden and get on with everyday like it is not slowly poisoning us or driving us mad. As I said, we are great actors. Let’s not put our next gen through the same vicious cycle. Let the next gen be filled with love, laughter, resilience, brightness. We do owe it to them, set a good example. Be a role model. And, don’t for the love of god, shame any couple who doesn’t want to have a baby right away or not want to have baby at all. Do not bombard them with questions or pressure them or guilt trap them.
It’s their choice, their decision, their commitment. It’s between them not between us. Leave it to the couple and be on your merry way. Life is pretty simple, we are the ones making it complicated. We have enough complications as it is, let’s not make a pile of it.
Andddddddddddddddddddddddddd if any individual wants to change his/her/their appearance in any way, let it be hair cut, let it be losing/gaining of weight, let it be growing a mustache or beard or hair, alter their physical appearance, change their diet, change their routine, resign a job, move to new city/place/country and you want to provide your opinion, ask yourself this, did they ask for your opinion, your advise, your lovely words or encouragement (sarcasm here) ? Most of them time the answer is NOOOOOOOOO. So, keep your mouth shut, go on with your life. You do not at any point are obliged to word vomit.
It’s ok, we get it. Some changes are not good as per you, not suitable, not matching the vibe, not matching your preference, yada, yada, yada. Try to repeat these words, His/Her/Their Life, their decision. Unless they ask for an opinion, NOT OUR BUSINESS. Repeat it like a mantra and voila, what we got, a friend for life. You can thank me later 😉
That’s my opinion and voice on both the topics, hope you read it and enjoyed it or understood it. Until my next blog, take care, stay safe, be happy. Toddles.
Nivi here 